My Finger and Small Appliances

I looked down at my swollen, infected finger. Boo-Boo says that I need to soak it in water as hot as I could stand it. That would heal it, he assures me.

Well, I tried it but the water was hotter than I could stand! My somnolent Basset hound Doogie awoke with a start, barking and moving in a slow circle as I cussed a blue streak and jumped up and down.

There must be a better way. What if I put it in the microwave and set the timer for only 15 seconds? Dang! It won't turn on unless the door is shut.

Maybe I can cut a hole in the door and stick my finger in it. Whoo! That's hot hot hot. And Boo-Boo says I got a dandy sunburn on my nose.

My wife is gonna think that we been tipplin'. Which is not a bad idea; might soothe the pain.

I'll try putting it, very lightly, in the wife's curling iron. If it gets too hot, I can pull it right out.

There.

Now to plug it in.

Holy Smokes and Oh Shit! Ow dammit ow dammit ow ow ow! I stick my finger in Boo-Boo's cold glass of beer.

Ahh! That's better!

Hey, it stopped hurting. And the swelling's gone down!

Oh, quit complaining, Boo-Boo. Open another beer. This one's for healing my finger.

Hot-diggety-dog, Boo-Boo! We have discovered the cold beer cure for infected fingers!

We are going to be famous - written up in all the medical journals - maybe get the Nobel Prize in medicine.

Hey, Boo-Boo. Do you think Budweiser would pay us to make a commercial?